Dirty Inspirations—Teaser #2—Afraid of Fear

NOTE: Leading into my book launch on January 26th, I thought it would be fun to post a few chapter ‘teasers’ to give you a tiny taste whats in store for you. I’ll chat more on how and why this all came about at my book launch and signing at Bookshop Santa Cruz, Feb. 3rd at 7:00 PM. You can pre-order the book at this link. See you then! In the meantime… enjoy…

From: #2 Afraid of Fear

The cave you fear to enter

holds the treasure you seek.

—Joseph Campbell

“In the crisp predawn sky, the air was as still as a coiled snake, ready to strike. The only audible sound was the constructive whoosh of our five paddle blades simultaneously connecting with the water. We were getting closer. I sat quietly, stroking in the bow of the boat, sensing my teammates’ emotions on my back—anxiety, excitement, anticipation. But while playful star sparks glittered on the river lighting our way, my psyche was busy brewing up a menacing dark spot.

Event founder Mark Burnett had told us at the pre-race briefing that the 1995 inaugural Eco Challenge would include a “big climb”—a 1,200-foot cliff face, right off the river—that we would ascend on fixed ropes via 30-knot transfers set between each rope length. We had already navigated sandy deserts, slot canyons, rock mazes, whitewater wave trains, and overhanging cliffs on minimal sleep, all leading to this crucial obstacle. Yet a complication still loomed between our team and the finish line: my fear.

After signing up for this 7- to 10-day expedition adventure race through remote Utah, the first event of its kind in the U.S., my teammates and I had learned to ascend and rappel from fixed ropes, paddle rafts and canoes and ride horses, all while navigating through the wilderness with topographical maps and a compass to established check points or Passport Control Points (PCs)—while working within a tight team dynamic—all in three months’ time. Though I was coming into this sport as a world-class triathlete, my skill level for this event, and the rope work in particular, was only slightly more reliable than a wobbly baby clutching the side of a coffee table. As we eased up to the base of our next objective, fear was lobbying to override my ability to execute the upcoming endeavor.

There is a paradox that both cajoled and enticed me to move from racing world-class on roads in urban triathlons to being a stark beginner in the dirty and remote wilderness of adventure racing. That paradox is that an emotion such as fear, germinating in one human brain, can completely engulf our experience in vast and indifferent Mother Nature—but only if we let it. To survive in the wilderness, the beginner must learn to negotiate these and any other unproductive mental responses, or risk dying.

As a professional triathlete learning to guide and control my mind during sustained physical endeavors, I sensed that embracing this outwardly straightforward, yet inwardly intricate concept could open a vast array of new doors through which I could explore, both as an athlete and a woman.

If novel adventures were a foothold into expanding what was physically possible, then wouldn’t being exposed to nature while pushing hard be an avenue to new and intriguing mental and emotional experiences?

That morning, when we stepped out of our raft in the desert silence to don our climbing harnesses, all I knew for certain was that the roar of my fear remained deafening. As an eager apprentice in the wild, and now gripped in the mental and physical clutches of terror, I clipped in to ascend…”

—From Dirty Inspirations: Lessons From the Trenches of Extreme Endurance Sports. Pre-order your signed copy here!

Back at you with more soon,

Terri Schneider